Remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Harry explains why men and women can’t be friends?
“The sex part always gets in the way,” he says.
Then I thought maybe this rule applied to gay men as well – a demographic known for being sex-crazed and superficial.
Was I overgeneralizing? Maybe…but according to the comments left on my video “Are You Gay and Ugly,” the sex thing has many gay men seeking friendships outside the community.
In fact, the majority of commenters (who are gay) said they prefer having straight friends over gay friends.
I found this comment summed it up nicely:
I find that no matter if you’re attractive or an average joe everyone is the victim. The “average joe” is ignored and the “attractive” men are treated like objects. I began to isolate myself from gay men for a lot of reasons. It’s hard to find gay men who have positive goals, dreams, standards, and morals. - GRUMPYTWENTYSOMETHIN via YouTube
As pessimistic as this sounds, I think it rings true for a lot of us. Humanity is taught to lust after what they can’t have and look down upon what they can have. In the gay community, this trait seems to be amplified ten-fold.
But what’s the real reason? Why are gay men distancing themselves from the gay community?
There seem to be 3 main reasons for this:
- Gay men don’t respect other gay relationships, so they tend to over-sexualize friendships with gay couples…aka they’re homewreckers. Straight people are much less likely to intervene (for obvious reasons).
- Older gay men find more meaningful friendships with straight people due in part to the gay culture’s discrimination of anyone over the age of 40. (Unless you’re a hot sugar daddy.)
- Gay men often find more emotional support from straight friends during times of need. My guess is because it’s hard finding emotional support from a community that is riddled with depression and suicide.
This leads me to my main question:
Are gay men too suspicious towards one another to have a meaningful, platonic relationship?
As the commenter suggests, average guys are shunned while the hot guys are seen purely as sex objects. Ultimately, both groups become emotionally detached and jaded toward the community as a whole.
Now you could argue that the obsession with youth and beauty is rampant across the board – in both gay and straight culture – and that is true, yet I can’t help but think of all the movies and sitcoms I’ve seen where the average overweight straight guy has a hot wife.
American media gives the average straight guy a hell of a lot more hope than the average gay guy. (But that’s a whole other blog.)
Ciao for now!