3 comments on “Be a Guest Blogger”

1. I would first like to say I am a gay male 18 years old and I just graduated high-school. My intention here is to explain some of my background then some of my problems/questions/concerns for in the future, in hopes of helping someone or gaining some insight from you or your intelligent and helpful bloggers.
   Since 7th grade I have known I liked guys because I found myself liking what I seen in the locker room after gym. Everyone pretty much got along great with me even though I was a little nerdy at the time, having braces and glasses. I had friends of both male and female gender but I liked hanging out with the guys for obvious reasons.
   8th grade comes along and I dropped the glasses (I no longer needed them). I had a lot of girls that would crush on me but I didn’t really like them but I would peruse them because my guy friends expected me to. Then tragedy struck. Even though I was masculine, one of the flamboyant gays at my school passed me a note during lunch, I should have just read it and threw it in the trash, but I didn’t. It said “I know you are not gay, but I like you –James”. Then some people got a hold of the letter. The rumors began, the teasing started. I was rejected by almost all of my male friends which hurt A LOT. I became depressed. I joined CACY (a volunteer/drug prevention program) in our school and that kept me preoccupied for a while.
   The summer after 8th grade I had been anti-social so I had one or two acquaintances. We went to my step-moms family cook-out where I met my cousin Brad. He was a kid that appeared innocent but really he was a little hellion. Well we became good friends and out of pure irony after joining CACY I started smoking weed with him because honestly it was the only fun thing to do in my life. I started hanging out with his friends. Back then you could have easily labeled me a pothead.
   Freshman year: My parents moved so I had to go to a new district. I didn’t want to move (I hated change) but on the other hand it was a Clean Slate. Still a pothead, I met some friends of my own that also smoked (being labeled a pothead is better that being gay, or so I thought). I made some very close friends and even took a girl to the Homecoming Dance. Eventually I got caught smoking by my parents, all I had in my bedroom after that was a mattress. But I was addicted so I would still find ways to smoke.
   Meanwhile during all of this I had walls built up around me so high I didn’t get cell-phone service, so no one knew very much about me at all, making it hard to keep friends other than the worst influence on me, Brad. Eventually a blowout happened where I got caught again and I was not allowed to be friends with Brad. What was I going to do now? He was my only friend and my drug source.
   Sophomore Year: I made a new friend Deondre, he was confident, outgoing, and athletic, and everything I wasn’t. Not to mention he was really cute. He introduced me to the party life. I was always very awkward at social events because A. I dint know anyone and B. I didn’t like women, which is pretty much the reason guys go to parties but I was one hell of a wing man.
   Sophomore summer: I got my first car after driving school in the year. This opened up a new world to me and Deondre (I was 16 he was 15). By now I dropped the pothead label and moved into the “kid who everyone knew but no one really affiliated with” label. We slept in the same bed after we were drunk at parties and went home. Words cannot express the thought that were going through my head on those nights.
   My parents went to Florida for a week so needless to say there was a party at my house which me and my sister(whom I am very cool with) hosted. I ended up getting pressured to have sex with this girl, so I did, I could barely get hard embarrassingly enough. After that I was thought to be very straight.
   Junior Year: I now had gained a lot of confidence and a few more close friends, many of which were good guys and were cute at the same time, but I knew they were straight so I didn’t impose on my thoughts. Then the creeping thoughts kept coming into my head all year: “How am I ever going to be happy?”, “Who am I really under this fake person I have created?”, “Will I ever find someone who is like me and not a flamboyant gay guy?”(not that there’s anything wrong with them just not my type at all).
   Junior summer: I became depressed yet again. You can only be fake for so long, eventually the “make-up” must come off. Again I became anti social. Boring summer despite the fun job I had at a firework store.
   Senior Year, I barely spoke for he first quarter of the year and met my friend Khalid. He and I would play Call of Duty and stuff all the time. Then one night he came over to my house and no one else was home. We were playing a game and I paused it. I said “I have to tell you something before I become good friends with you.” We played the guessing game for a while. Some of his guesses where: “did someone die?” “are you sick?” “did you kill someone?” did you rape someone?’. These guesses really made me realize that I not only closeted being gay but that I closeted everything about my life, he knew nothing about me. So I just said really loud “I’m Gay.” He stopped for a minute. He said “I cant fucking believe you!”, “I cant fucking believe you hid this from me.” Then I asked him if he was cool with it and he said “Yea! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I was so relieved. My hands were still shaky and my words were still as well. We hung out for a couple months after that then eventually went our separate ways. By this point I have met some new friends Mitchell and Riley. They are my gym workout buddies. Mitchell was a player and Riley was an asshole but he has a big heart that no one seen but me.
   New Years (senior year still): my parents threw a party and we all were drinking. My friends (Deondre, Brad, Mitchell, and Riley were all there. My sister brought a hot friend (female) that all my friends were drooling over. Well I was really drunk and was convinced by my friends to flirt with her. Well I became a little too flirtatious and she told my sister I was creeping her out. That is when I realized this is where it ends, no more being fake.
   The rest of senior year: I came out to my friend Riley who was a bit creeped out by it at first but then he realized that I wasn’t one of the “rainbow dropped the soap, going to jump on his dick” kind of gay guy. He realized I was just like him but the fact I liked guys. We became really close friends. Soon after that I met my first boyfriend that Khalid introduced me to. His name was Jayden. We watched a movie a couple of nights after that. Then things moved to the bedroom. I’m not going to get into details but we did oral and anal, both on each other. I really liked it a lot. But eventually we stopped liking each other because the relationship was based on sex and I didn’t want that so I broke up with him. He was a little to feminine for me anyway and he live an hour away.
   Now: I have just graduated and am still not out. I want to be out so that I don’t miss a chance at finding a good boyfriend, one who loves me back. I am stuck in this liberal town for two more years for college and I want to be out but then my VERY homophobic parents would have to know. I’m just not strong enough to do it on my own; I need somebody now more than ever. I know how to date but I don’t know how to find a “one of the guys” boyfriend without going to some raunchy club where all they want is sex. I love having it don’t get me wrong but I want more that that. Is that realistic? I don’t want to seem desperate but at the same time I don’t want to sit like a princess in a castle waiting for price charming to find me. I’ve hit a dead end and I would love any advice.
   Thank you for taking the time to read my story
   -Tyler

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2. I’ve read your story Tyler. It’s interesting. I think you could use a dating site as a beginning to find someone near your location. I know it’s not the best solution but it’s still an option. Coming out is good, I did it. The main problem when you are gay, is that you can’t find easily someone you can stay with. Acceptance from social background could possibly come, but still you may encounter problems with other gay men, because relationships are really hard to find. My parents know, my sisters know, my friends know. I can’t tell you I’m happy. I mean coming out is not so magic as you might think. It may be on the start but then you have to face again the gay scenery, which may disappoint you. Being yourself, staying out of any gay ghetto, being selective with your sexual partners will help you keep your inner balance. Don’t tell anything to your background till you are independent. Maybe you can find gay friends from other countries/ cities, where you will feel comfortable to express yourself

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3. You ahve a good bases, because you’re so clear and honest about things. You aren’t kidding yourself.
   Since you already had workout buddies, I hope you can still have some. Really focus on building strength. I’m not talking about muscles, necessarily, but you can use exercise to teach yourself goals and discipline and healthy self-esteem. Gym culture is pretty toxic, so forget about that. But the wonderful thing if you do come out, is to have something physical that makes you feel strong. A psort, a goal that you’ve accomplished. Whatever. Something that you keep up with despite your bad moods or criticisms of others. You really need this to be successful, esp. as a gay man, where so many people will want to knock you down.

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