Transitioning From an Open to Closed Relationship

This is a guest post by Stefan.

Maybe it’s because anniversaries are a time for reflection, or maybe it’s because in the summer I’m often out jogging or on my bike and just thinking too much, but lately I’ve been pondering my relationship and its future.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, long enough that the word “boyfriend” seems out of place. We’re very happy. Not the kind of tingly, butterflies-in-my-stomach intensity it had in the first year, but something content and stable and beautiful.

This is my first and only serious, long term relationship; I’ve only ever even kissed one other guy. We’re monogamous mainly because I insisted on it. My partner, however, has much more experience, and was in another four year relationship before. It was an open relationship, and let’s just say he took advantage of that openness.

I feel like if there was some measure for “relationship experience” (or maybe just sexual experience) he would have a really high score and I would look like a 15 year old. And while I know he’s fine with our monogamy and loves me deeply, I can’t really say it’s his natural state like it is for me.

When I imagine our future, the one source of doubt is wondering whether he’ll one day get…bored.

That maybe five, ten, fifteen years down the road that part of him that was once totally fine with an open relationship will return and become restless. I feel like this one aspect of his past is the one part of him that I just can’t quite figure out.

I tell myself that our love is clearly different than his last relationship. That there is a reason we’re monogamous, beyond my insistence.

Obviously the fidelity problem isn’t unique to gay couples, but I feel like a lot of us are more likely to face the transition from more open relationships to more closed ones.

If you’re like my boyfriend, were you able to make that transition? And if you or your partner ever faced a seven year itch or similar test in a relationship, were you able to work through it and stay faithful or not?

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